Change your spouse’s bad habits

It’s great being married. But maybe your husband’s also forgetful, lazy, bad tempered and stays out late. Or your wife talks far too much. A relationship can become a whole mass of irritating habits like that.

Fortunately, it’s pretty easy to replace bad habits with good ones. You just reward your partner’s good behavior, and ignore everything else. Like every time she’s nearer being on time for anything, or he drives just a little slower, just say something complimentary. You’re rewarding the small steps toward a whole new set of habits.

Especially important

Not drawing attention to behavior you don’t like is especially important, because that makes it less likely to happen in future. So don’t join in anytime your spouse’s tearing around your house in a bad-tempered, last-minute search for this or that. Instead say absolutely nothing and carry on with what you’re doing.

It takes a lot of willpower, but it works. Without your attention, the tantrum will eventually die away, and be less likely to happen again. You’re also training yourself not to be bugged by his bad behavior. Train yourself not to take things personally either.

Like chances are your husband’s just being lazy when he leaves his clothes on the bathroom floor. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. So don’t confront him. Ignore the piles of dirty clothes - but compliment him if ever even one sock ends up in the laundry basket!

It’ll take a little while but, gradually, he’ll end up putting his stuff away. And you’ll start seeing his other bad habits as interesting training opportunities.

Loving your spouse also means accepting the way they like doing things. Like many wives insist their husband follows her rules. He has to take her route to the shops, buy her brands, cook just how she does. Do that and he’ll soon end up not doing any housework at all?

What comes easily?

Instead, observe your partner. Understand how he thinks, what she likes doing, what comes easily and what doesn’t. Because it’s always better playing to someone’s strengths. So if getting them to do stuff in the morning is difficult, ask some other time.

Distracting your spouse with “incompatible behaviours” is another way to stop them annoying you. Like he’s less likely to bother you while you’re cooking if you put a bowl of nuts by the TV. Putting on her favourite CD will keep her from unloading on you.

And watch for the cues that say something’s about to happen – so you can sidestep the behavior before it starts. Like if your wife spends hours in the bath, leaving you waiting ages to get in there. Spot her wandering around with her face cleanser and you can guess what’s on her mind. Make a dash for the bathroom – “just give me a minute” - and you can do your stuff and settle down to read in bed until she joins you.