How to get your man to open up

Get your man to open up

What is it like getting your man to talk about your relationship? Not easy probably – but it’s not just you. He probably doesn’t reveal all that much to his male friends either. So even if your guy’s pretty easy going, he probably isn’t as comfortable discussing personal issues as you are. And hasn’t had nearly as much practice!

So break serious conversations down into bite-sized chunks, and try not to mix facts and emotions at the same time. It’s also worth talking while you’re doing something together, even if it’s only the chores. Many men listen better while they’re active.

His view of the world’s also very different from yours. So don’t assume you know how he’s feeling. Or assume that he shares your point of view. He probably doesn’t. Just like you probably don’t understand his.

And guys just don’t get subtle hints and suggestions. So always be 100% clear. No “if he loved me, he’d know what I was thinking” either. He doesn’t know what you’re thinking. If he’s supposed to know, tell him!

And don’t make the biggest mistake of all: waiting until you’re way past the point of no return before you try getting him to talk. By that time there’s probably nothing anyone can do anyway. Admittedly, guys do their best to wriggle out of serious conversations, so if you want to talk about something important, try quietly opening up just a part of the topic.

It’s especially important not to spring anything tough on him. Instead, make an appointment, say something like: “Hey, let’s talk about... can we do it tomorrow evening?” then he’ll come prepared and so you’re less likely to have a shouting match. Guys also prefer to sort out their thoughts before they reply. So give him plenty of time to think things through. Pressing a guy to talk before he’s ready rarely works out well.

If he’s upset about something, don’t meet anger with anger or you’ll both end up yelling and not listening. Instead learn how to lower the temperature when things get intense. In fact, make sure you’re always quietly spoken - and approachable. Guys often feel their views are not respected by their partners. Especially if you fight back, get defensive or put him down. Make that a habit and he’ll soon stop talking to you – or start telling you a special version of the truth. Instead of the real thing, he’ll give you an interpretation he knows you can handle.

So work on being less judgmental and easier to talk to. And be really nice to him anytime he opens up. Especially whenever he listens without criticizing or trying to give advice. It’s really easy: be nice whenever he talks with you and he’ll learn to do it more often. Give him a hard time, and he’ll learn to keep quiet!

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Make a first date work for you

First Date

A first date – so full of hope and excitement, but all too often leading to relationships that are more trouble than they’re worth. So how do you make a first date work for you? Well first of all, don’t be too quick deciding to go out together! Because you can spot the ones who’ll eventually let you down long before you’ve finished the chat up lines.

This means being on the alert from the moment you clap eyes on one another. And not getting all hung up in the magic of the moment. Dating’s not about love at first sight. It’s about weeding out frogs! So be sure everything feels just right before you go any further...

And once you’re on your date, don’t get too starry eyed and romantic. Enjoy every moment of course, but stay sharp. And if your date’s showing the first signs of insecurity, neediness, a weird personality or just doesn’t treat your right; don’t even think about a second chance.

And don’t go kissing anyone too soon either, because it creates a bond that’s deeper than logic! When you’re trying to choose someone right for you, it’s best to stay rational while you’re making your mind up. If they’re easy to talk to, there’s lots of smiling and laughter, good eye contact and it feels nice being close, then things are looking good.

But constantly looking over your shoulder? Staring into space? Keeping their dist? Stalling when you ask what they’re doing tomorrow? Don’t bother with a second date. Watch out if you’re being asked all kind of personal questions but offered nothing in return. Good relationships start with you both being open with one another.

A guy should thank you for a nice time at the end of the evening and walk you to your bus or taxi. It shows he cares about your safety and comfort. A girl should make you feel good for taking her out – beware of a woman who shows no appreciation. Before long you’ll find that her expectations are impossible to meet.

Is your date nice to you but heavy handed with doormen or waiters? In six months time that’s how you’ll be being treated. Constant name dropping and boasting? You’re with someone who’s insecure. Eyeing up everyone around you? Imagine how things might be when you’ve been together five years. Drinks like a fish? Don’t expect that to change when you’re married. Always wanting to be the center of attention? That can get wearing as the years goes by.

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