How to get your man to open up

Get your man to open up

What is it like getting your man to talk about your relationship? Not easy probably – but it’s not just you. He probably doesn’t reveal all that much to his male friends either. So even if your guy’s pretty easy going, he probably isn’t as comfortable discussing personal issues as you are. And hasn’t had nearly as much practice!

So break serious conversations down into bite-sized chunks, and try not to mix facts and emotions at the same time. It’s also worth talking while you’re doing something together, even if it’s only the chores. Many men listen better while they’re active.

His view of the world’s also very different from yours. So don’t assume you know how he’s feeling. Or assume that he shares your point of view. He probably doesn’t. Just like you probably don’t understand his.

And guys just don’t get subtle hints and suggestions. So always be 100% clear. No “if he loved me, he’d know what I was thinking” either. He doesn’t know what you’re thinking. If he’s supposed to know, tell him!

And don’t make the biggest mistake of all: waiting until you’re way past the point of no return before you try getting him to talk. By that time there’s probably nothing anyone can do anyway. Admittedly, guys do their best to wriggle out of serious conversations, so if you want to talk about something important, try quietly opening up just a part of the topic.

It’s especially important not to spring anything tough on him. Instead, make an appointment, say something like: “Hey, let’s talk about... can we do it tomorrow evening?” then he’ll come prepared and so you’re less likely to have a shouting match. Guys also prefer to sort out their thoughts before they reply. So give him plenty of time to think things through. Pressing a guy to talk before he’s ready rarely works out well.

If he’s upset about something, don’t meet anger with anger or you’ll both end up yelling and not listening. Instead learn how to lower the temperature when things get intense. In fact, make sure you’re always quietly spoken - and approachable. Guys often feel their views are not respected by their partners. Especially if you fight back, get defensive or put him down. Make that a habit and he’ll soon stop talking to you – or start telling you a special version of the truth. Instead of the real thing, he’ll give you an interpretation he knows you can handle.

So work on being less judgmental and easier to talk to. And be really nice to him anytime he opens up. Especially whenever he listens without criticizing or trying to give advice. It’s really easy: be nice whenever he talks with you and he’ll learn to do it more often. Give him a hard time, and he’ll learn to keep quiet!