Nagging only makes things worse

Successful couples quickly learn that nagging makes everything worse. They discover that the best way to grow a relationship is to encourage their spouse whenever they're getting it right. Instead of endlessly moaning whenever they're getting it wrong. Better still, they realize that exactly the same technique works on their children!

But somehow we humans seem to have an instinctive urge to punish: "Spare the rod spoil the child". So parents usually focus on what their children do wrong. And rarely notice what they're doing right.

That's also what happens in most organisations. Managers pretty much take good performance for granted, while coming down hard whenever something goes wrong. In other words, despite everything psychologists have ever learned about motivation, bosses almost invariably do the opposite!

It's never as black and white as that of course, because they'll always be the freeloaders and incompetents to be weeded out. But most good people always respond best when their skills are valued and developed.

Sterile Measure
In fact, that's the best incentive scheme there is. People work far harder when organisations focus on developing their skills, rather than tying their pay to some sterile performance measure. Because wages are what's called a deficit need. Remember how you're only interested in food when you're hungry? Once you're full you just want to sleep? But you are by a boss who's a coach rather than a  "policeman". And who constantly helps you to do your best and develop your career.

Sounds straightforward, but in practice, most organisations become for too task oriented. Endless plans and performance measures, but few inspiring goals.
Measurement's necessary, of course. But a clear understanding of the strategy, vision and values of the organisation. Because then everyone knows what to do even when the plans fall apart.

Being task oriented does have it's upsides - like it gets the job done. But the best organisations balance that with an equal focus on developing their staff. Outfits like that are very exciting places to work. You're valued for your ideas, energy and abilities. And because the organization's name on your CV is a guarantee that you're the best, you feel in control of your life and career. So you're willing to tell your bosses when they're wrong, and don't fear efficiency improvements that might threaten your job. Why would you when you're more likely to get promoted than to get fired?

Your working style becomes more independent and self-determined, and yet you remain a team-player. Sharing ideas, and thoughts, tactics and good practices with each other.

So not only do families prosper when couples encourage what their partner's are doing right, rather than moaning about what's gone wrong, so do businesses, NGO's, hospitals, schools e.t.c.